The song played and I, too, am overjoyed. Short and sweet. This entry is a stub. I just want to remind myself that it played out of the blue.
i am not upset neither am i questioning.
i have already talked to you about this.
we are clear that you are moving forward with me and you are clear with what you want. you said you just want to entertain the person because you like talking about common interests with each other.
you said that you do not have a world of your own and that what you have with each other is non committal and non-exclusive. i am there. i hear what you claim.
i had a talk with the other party, too. he is simply waiting for you. you keep on telling him how complicated you are and how difficult you can get. he is simply taking his time. as he claims, you are very receptive of his advances and he appreciates it. he is intersted to know your parents and he is simply waiting to officially court you. he doesn’t want to force the issue of courting because you might bolt, but to him, you are both on your way there. he doesn’t want to pre-empt because he wants it too much to happen. he also claims that you show a lot of concern and interest in him.of which he is very touvhed and he also likes it a lot.
i am happy that you are enjoying his company and i am happy that you are having fun. i am with you all the way through all this, but i want you to be aware: with this kind of determination from him, it will be difficult not to hurt him deeply.
while i watch you from the sidelines on how this thing develops, i want you to be aware that despite you saying you do not have a world of your own, there are things that you used to share with me that you no longer do these days.
i am not complaining, neither am i questioning. i just want you to know that i am accepting it and that i will hold you to what you told me that you would do.
i don’t know. i’m hoping against hope to keep things alive and meaningful.
it’s during these times that i doubt myself and see myself as the negative source of things, that when something goes wrong, i am to blame.
i have been placed in quarantine again. my past choices are part of me. if they were careless, then i am facing the consequences now. if you shoot me down for what i did, then you’re one of those whom you fear so much to meet.
i am looking forward to have the life we conjured to be. i long for the day when we both carry our little ones together. i know you are upset, i had been careless, but please try and understand me, too.
i’m fixing my attitude issues. the last thing i need is someone blowing up about the effects of my past choices. what i need from you more is the assurance that we are moving forward together, that you are there as i go through my own corrective actions. please, i want you in my world. we conjured this together. please see me through.
that person spreading his arms experiencing the freedom of space, overlooking his world, will soon be me, too.
i never knew it actually is therapeutic. i would bring all trash out that kinda makes me feel like i am also throwing away all the trash that i have been keeping in me emotionally.
so appatently, i am being told to stop whining and start getting on with the program.
yup, i am still the one who is dragging my feet. ok, let’s get on with the program, then. we move forward.
this time, i won’t stop, too. things i need to fix in my own life, my own world will be prioritized hence forth.
i would agree with what you said, if you need things done, you have to do it yourself. and yes, i remember telling you the very same thing.
i would keep that in mind about us from now on. afterall, my mother will always be right.
if there is something i need for myself, i get it myself. maybe, this time, if other people i care about would need something, i’d also think twice lending a hand before i do. a cat will never be a rat, unless the story is actually about the ugly duckling that turns out to be a beautiful swan.
paradigm shifting starts now, and so shall it be. no need for me to remember who got me dragged down in the first place. all i need to do now is to get back on track. that is one anchor off. we’re sailing, so here i go.
just for the record, you want blatant confrontations, so you say, then, i will be very happy to oblige. now we know.
rescinding not allowed.
don’t you worry, he’s mine and he will be. i just took a bullet train… and boy, is it fast. here’s to the program! see you at the next station.